Daily Silly Status

Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?

Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.

Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.

Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.

If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.

I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.

LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.

Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.

I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.

My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.

If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it

My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!

I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)

We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.

Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.