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Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.