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My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?