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For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.