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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?