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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.