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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.