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I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.