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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.