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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.