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Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about