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i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell