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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.