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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married