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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.