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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.