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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.