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Honk if you are reading this.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.