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can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas