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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Find someone you`re good at.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again