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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.