Daily Silly Status

I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?

They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?

Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.

I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?

I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.

The secret to success is in my bra.

Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.

"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.

I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.

If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty

some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"

I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.

Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.

YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.

If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor