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One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.