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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible