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I can`t wait to procrastinate.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.