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Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"