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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
I liked you better before we met.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.