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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.