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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
The word bed looks like a bed.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Check this one out.........1
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.