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"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.