Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Better late than pregnant.