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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.