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I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.