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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.