Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet