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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.