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When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.