Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.