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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.