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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I should come with a warning label.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.