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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."