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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.