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Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window