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feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...