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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means Iām not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"