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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store