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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like