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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.