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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.