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Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.