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I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman