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I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."