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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.