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When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.