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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.