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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...