Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.