Daily Silly Status

I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.

I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials

I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....

Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at

If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.

One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine

if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time

Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?

Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.

If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.

If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?

I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it

At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.

I’m not crazy just the voices are!