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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.