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I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.