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Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar