Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.