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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.