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When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
Is food porn star a thing yet??