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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day