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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.