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Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole