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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Home is where the pants aren’t.