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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.