Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.