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I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.