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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.