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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all