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Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
drinks well with others.